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July 5, 2014 / TildeWill

Adrift

Now what? I have all the independence a person could want, but I don’t know what I want to do with it. Work is rewarding, but there’s something missing, something more core, something more… I don’t know, human? Making software solves problems [and makes problems], and I like solving problems.

But what would I do if I was born 50 years ago? Making things. Solving problems. Having real utility to a society.

I’m working on widening my definition of what a quality friend is. I feel like I’ve felt lost before. Was if in SF? It might have been. But a place does not give one a direction. What gives direction then? People/relationships? Movement? A destination in mind?

Maybe I substituted movement for direction. Maybe frequent job change, moving around the country, maybe that was a reasonable substitute for a time.

Fencing. When I was fencing I had a singular purpose – improve the quantity and quality of fencing. Direction. But that path was narrow. Slip just a little, twist an ankle, and it could have all fell apart.

Maybe it’s not just about having direction, or a path, but making that path wide enough that you can actually stay on it though the support of others.

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