So here’s the answer to his question, “What have you finally started to listen to?”
- In high school and on and off the last ten years I have joked that I’m the “eternal bachelor”. I say “joked” but it was always that kind of joking where there was more truth than you wanted to let on. I think it’s time to resign to the fact that it just isn’t going to happen. Life keeps yelling failure at me.
- I have these moments where I feel like I’m having a cramp, but in my chest. Making a totally uninformed guess it probably is related to a high cholesterol level. This weekend while camping and feeling winded (but not muscle sore) while hiking up Cinder Cone I realized how much I need to take better care of my body. I don’t eat very well either. Today a coworker pointed out how many calories I end up drinking throughout the day in Coke. Life keeps yelling that I’m not doing a good enough job in the health department.
- With the addition of a niece to my family I realize how distant I keep myself from my family. I look at pictures of her and it’s easy to see how she is Jon’s daughter. My cousin is going to be in town this weekend. A month back I saw another cousin who was south of the city. It’s literally been years since I’ve seen them before now. Life keeps yelling at me to do better with my family ties.
- I see the same thing in the pictures of the Roger’s new daughter. Every baby I see reminds me of how I don’t have a face to look at, someone who has my nose, my chin, my squinty eyes. Knowing my birth family is more important than I want to admit it is. Life keeps yelling at me that “nature” is also important.
- I have a business idea. The hard kind of idea. The kind that means long hours, hard work, and a “shit-ton” of risk. The kind that tries to steal a person away from tending to his health, family, or romantic life. The kind that ought to be done, but is like carrying around a uranium rod – tremendous potential, but can also destroy all that it touches if one isn’t careful.
I’ve also served in a mentor/teacher/coach role in a lot of different ways. I am happier with life when I am in those roles. I feel like I am growing most during those times.
Conclusion: My whole life is pretty unhealthy, not to mention my ongoing moral bankruptcy, and life is telling me.