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November 21, 2008 / TildeWill

Relearn Old Lessons

Josh asked me about sunrises and I ended up finding some old posts about an exgirlfriend of mine, Jess, and I took a stroll down “Will is a dummy” lane. The lesson I had learned, the lesson I had forgotten, was that people care about me. And it’s easy to say “Well ‘duh’ Will.” But that’s the trap I’m in again. It’s easy to see people care, but what does that care mean to them? To Jess, she cared enough to put her life on hold so that I could be a part of it. I cared enough to push her away when I thought that her happiness was to be found elsewhere.

My mistake was failing to understand that her happiness was rooted as much in me as mine was in her. I didn’t think that Will Read could outweigh starting a career and moving away from Lafayette. I don’t know if she understood that she could outweigh awful feeling of being alone. How I was dumb enough to let myself “win” is mind boggling. How I was blind enough to think I didn’t count for anything to her is just as crazy.

So with the next girl, I’m going to pay attention, not just to her words, but her actions too. I’m going to listen, and I’m going to let myself feel special to her. I am not going to assume that I am no better than the next guy. I am going to be thankful, and humble, and I will understand that we have a relationship because to her, I’m just as special as she is to me.

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