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October 31, 2007 / TildeWill


I’m about to start reading a book that was loaned to me, Blue Like Jazz. I don’t know what it’s about beyond it being an atheist’s point of view on Christianity. The man who loaned it to me is a retired pastor, and the father of the fencing club’s former advisor. So before I read it, I want to get my own beliefs down on paper and then write some reflections along the way and see how my own faith changes or grows. The last sermon I went to, the pastor spoke about how faith is like a coat, that there is your coat, that fits you well, and suits your life. There are other coats, that are not yours, or do not suit your life at this time. So here’s my coat:

  1. Talking about my faith is not “embarrassing”, but “awkward” is probably a good word for it. So many people my age seem to steer away from the church that it’s just hard to bring up in conversation. When I do bring it up outside of a church setting, I fear that people will judge me to be a super religious zealot who will try to convert them if they let their guard down. I think the problem is that when I bring it up in a church setting, I feel like I’m talking to religious zealots who will convert me if I let my guard down. I think that’s why I like going to a church where I knew someone outside of the church before I saw them in church.
  2. I currently believe that I’ve been able to hear “God” all my life, and just never knew it. The voice of God, to me, is what I also call my conscience. That not so little voice that tells me the morally right thing to do, the one I listen to some times, and ignore other times. It tells me to love others, to be forgiving, to do my best, to stand up for the weak and less fortunate. That sounds like God to me. Maybe not everyone has a conscience like mine, I always assumed they did until not too long ago.
  3. Church is not the ideal way for me to worship. I’m a doer. I like to swing a hammer to fix a home. I like to make posters. I like to work with groups and be a teacher, an example. I do not feel like my faith is well developed enough to be a leader, I’m not sure I’ll ever feel that way, but I know I want to feel that way.
  4. I get hung up when it comes to interpreting the Bible. I read a passage and I see a God who like to make life needlessly challenging, filled with despair, and littered with trials. Others read the same passage and see growth, hope, and success. I’m usually told I’m an optimistic person, but not so much when it comes to the Bible it seems. I want to be able to see those words in a more positive light.

So that’s where I’ll start. We’ll see where I finish.


One Comment

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  1. profoundaffinity / Nov 1 2007 11:10 pm

    To me my faith is personal and while I do not misister to others or go to chuch regularly I wear my coat, which is my conscience, with out fail. In my life I have found that although there are trials and dispair, my God shows me that through perseverance and faith all things are possible. He is a god of hope and has proven his love for us time and time again. We are the unworthy, the shamed, the contemptible ones who need to prove that we should be graced by him. At the end of the day I can only do what is feels right in my heart and my soul. So long as your coat exists love and you are thinking about your faith and what it means to you, you shouldnt worry. It will unfurl like a wild spring flower. You will see it grow and bloom and beautiful it will be.

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