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October 3, 2007 / TildeWill

Control Part 2: Sameness

In my last post about taking control of one’s dating situation, finding someone who is a good match for you by understanding who you are and what you like, I got some more responses saying that I addressing the issue correctly.

I was told that I can’t base my judgements off of past relationships because they were all failures. I disagree with that statement, but I’ll entertain it and say “Ok, then what about friendships?” They’re still relationships, and the ones I keep you can hardly call failures. It’s been pointed out to me that all of my friends are cut from the same cloth: honest, driven, charismatic, caring, intelligent, quirky, nerdy, etc. I have formed strong emotional ties with these people, and we’re not all identical, we have our differences. But the best place to meet new friends, for me, is though my existing friends because chances are they already hang out together.

If it were up to me, I’d take the same approach to dating, but none of my friends seem to know anyone single around here. So I have to find her myself. As evidence to my cause, if I were to make a twenty-something goddess from the traits that I like, I’d come up with a girl identical to one I’ve already met. And guess what, the attraction I feel to her and her character is off the charts. They don’t make numbers big enough to quantify how great of a match she is to me.

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4 Comments

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  1. dariusw / Oct 4 2007 1:36 am

    There’s only one thing to be done — go east, young man.

    You at any NACs this season?

  2. anthogna / Oct 4 2007 8:20 am

    I’m sorry that your heart was broken by someone you find ideal.

    A hard truth of love is that even if you do find someone who you are completely head-over-heels for, doesn’t mean that they will want the same things from the relationship that you do. If true love happens when friendships “click”, then she didn’t get the “click” too. This happens a lot. And there’s nothing wrong with that. People have feelings and motivations of their own.

    So, back up on the horse, and ride on. You don’t get to change her mind. Better off not longing for her, since you’ll close yourself off to more fruitful opportunities. Consider yourself lucky it happened sooner rather than later. Finding incompatibilities in your expectations and treatment of each other after you’re deep in a relationship is a lot more troublesome.

    In the meantime, someone like that has the potential to be an excellent friend and confidant, if you let that relationship environment grow.

  3. emanon / Oct 4 2007 8:40 am

    I wasn’t clear, no heart of mine has been broken by this person. Not yet anyway 🙂

  4. anthogna / Oct 4 2007 4:12 pm

    Even better!

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