A while back I made a post about my statistical approach to dating. I also cross posted it a few places. I got a lot of responses saying that there’s no formula to love. And while I agree, or at least I agree that I probably won’t unearth some equation that will bring the world to a blissful state of romance, I disagree that it’s nearly as random/chaotic as some would have you believe.
I suspect the people that believe love is random are the same people who feel like they have no control over the things that happen to them. To me, I may not be able to control everything, but I can always affect how I react to it. And there is a fair amount I can control: where I go, who I talk to, who I ignore, what I wear, what I say, what I smell like. I’m pretty sure that just by changing those few things appropriately I can affect my chances of someone being attracted to me.
So then there’s the other half, me being attracted to someone else, someone I meet. Statistically I could just go out and meet as many people as possible. But that can be taxing, so I try to narrow my search by understanding who I’m interested in. I look at the physical and non-physical characteristics of the women I’ve dated in the past and how well the relationship went. From there, the next task is to put myself where I might find those types of people. For example, I might take up cricket if I wanted to meet an Indian woman, or hang out at the library or book store if I wanted to meet a book worm. Why try looking for a swimmer at a roller rink? Sure, there might be one, but you’re not as likely to find her there.
I suppose the other element at play here is that I do not believe, there’s “the one” in the sense that there’s only one person out there waiting for me. I think that dating, like all relationships, there are good ones and bad ones, all of which you have to work at. And at some point two people find each other, and there’s a good base for a relationship, and both seem to want to work at building on it. That’s the keeper, don’t let her go, no matter what.