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October 1, 2007 / TildeWill

Can’t Sit On It

This came out of a conversation with a buddy of mine. The essence is that you can’t sit on your feelings all the time in a relationship just to avoid conflict. Some feelings are momentary reactions and will pass, those you can sit on till you’re able to approach the situation with a more level head. Others are going to be areas where your values, perceptions, and goals do not agree. Sitting on those types of opinions is a sure-fire way to make yourself unhappy in a relationship. Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you can’t have an opinion.

What it does mean is that you have to express that opinion in a way that is constructive, and loving too. Offer to help her work on something she does that bothers you. If you’re willing to put in just as much effort as she has to, it’ll be easier for her to accept it. Even just saying, “I know you feel this way, but I feel another way, and I’m comfortable with us having different opinions.” will help her feel at ease, while you still get to be heard.

The easy relationships will be the ones where you agree on everything that your relationship encounters. A friend that’s 1,000 miles away is easy to get along with. But take that same friend and tell me I have to live with him, suddenly we encounter all kinds of topics we side-stepped before and those differences come boiling to the surface. It’s how you deal with those differences that strengthen the relationship or break it apart.

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