A log-time friend of mine commented “There’s no magical formula, relationships just are.” This post is about why I disagree.
People meet people through common experiences. It’s why a hermit can be a hermit, he doesn’t go out and experience anything. But you meet people at work, at parties, at the grocery store, on the street, in a cab, at a restaurant (don’t send flowers to the waitresses though). So part of the formula is just putting myself in places where I’m more likely to meet the kind of woman I’m interested in, like going to a coffee shop more often than I go to a bar. Right now, this is the big challenge, just meeting people.
Then there’s the presentation piece. Lets say I’m at a place, and I’m looking to the left, when the woman of my dreams walks by on my right. I want to make sure that I give her plenty of reasons to not only look my way, but to stop and say hello, rather than thinking “He’s a slob/snob/kabob, I’m not going to waste my time.” Or if I do see her first and say hello, then I don’t want her to think those things instead of saying “yes” to a date. I feel I’m fairly proficient at this part.
The third part is the upkeep piece. This is historically where I’ve failed in the past, because if I didn’t, then I’d still be in a relationship. Continuing to grow WITH someone else, learning how to better communicate with her, finding new and exciting things to do with her, sharing my joys, trusting, understanding, compromising. If you can master this area, then I believe there’s no one you can’t have a long-lasting relationship with. It’s just a formula, a skill you plug people in to.