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February 20, 2007 / TildeWill

God

I’ve always tried to live a good life, a life I could be proud of. I always tell myself that when I die, I want people to say, “He led life to the fullest.” My family hasn’t always gone to church. I myself rarely find myself at home or awake enough to attend because I let fencing get in the way.

I have never liked the idea of fate, that I wasn’t in control. In my exposure to religion, there has always been this idea of God ‘speaking’ to us, to me, but I never heard Him – or so I thought.

I’ve been reading a book, and listening to my fencers, some of whom are deeply rooted in their faith. The conclusion that I’m coming to is that I’ve heard Him all along, I just didn’t realize who it was I had been hearing. It has always been there, the voice that tells me to do what is hard, but right, when times are dark and difficult, the voice that tells me which way to dig out. It is as if you had someone like your best friend who has been by your side all your life, then one day that friend mentions to you, “By the way, I don’t know if you knew this, but I’m [insert infinitely famous person here].”

So that’s kind of where I’m at. Now I have to grow to be able to accept this trusted friend in the new, larger role that he has revealed to me.

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