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January 14, 2007 / TildeWill

Much To Ponder

Someone I know said this about love:

Speaking of love, I am not in the market for unconditional love. Romantically, I don’t want someone to love me no matter what I do or become. I think that kind of love should be reserved for parent-child or a family kind of love. I want to be loved romantically for the energy I put into making the world a better place for those around me, or the energy I put into turning myself into the best version of myself I can be. If I stop doing either/both of those things, I don’t deserve to be loved romantically.

To me, it explains a lot regarding how a person can fall in and out of love with another. I think in the past I have assumed that what I wanted to have and what I wanted to give was “unconditional love”, but what I really wanted to have and give was the “romantic love” she talks about. It makes me wonder if at some point a person trades in that romantic love for unconditional love. Is that what really happens in a good marriage? So now I scratch my chin since I believe that there is much to understand about myself by thinking more about these statements.

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  1. lina / Jan 19 2007 4:20 pm

    “It makes me wonder if at some point a person trades in that romantic love for unconditional love. Is that what really happens in a good marriage? ”

    I think it’s what happens in any relationship, romantic or just friendship, when you consider your bond strong enough to be family. I also don’t think any love is really unconditional. I mean I’m pretty sure every person I know could cross a line where I’d write them off for good. I think for those I care about most that line is much further away though.

    For instance a friend I’ve had for a year vs. my brother I’ve know most of my life. Sure my brother could do something that would cause me to not want to see him again but it would have to be something big. The friend I’ve had for a year might only have to permanently ‘borrow’ a DVD for me to not want to deal with them any more.

    As for the quote, I almost agree. The funny thing about love in a relationship of any kind is that you can only control your half of the equation. No matter how far you fall from grace or how undeserving of love you think you’ve become, you don’t get to make that choice. That’s the best part for me because the feeling is an experience of its own. It’s the part where you let go and trust them to be there. It’s the realization that they are there even when you are at your worst. It’s also the hardest part I’m still learning about.

    That’s where the magic happens in a relationship. It’s that point when you both trust each other enough to let go. That’s when the bond is about as close to unconditional love as you can get.

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