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October 26, 2006 / TildeWill

It Feels Like Defeat

I haven’t written in a while because I’ve been dissatisfied with my life. The biggest thing is that fencing is not paying the bills, it’s not even close any more. The company itself makes a profit each month, but you can’t live on it. No one can. Well maybe a bum could, but I want better for myself. So now that I’ve finally gotten people to stop saying “So what else do you do?”, or “When are you getting a real job?”, now I need to go get a second (aka “real”) job. So I started looking about two weeks ago, really looking with an updated resume and applying directly to specific job, not just reading the classifieds each day.

Six months ago I told myself if I needed a job, I’d get a job as a cashier or stock boy, something mindless so I’d have the mental energy to run my business. But when you come from a full-time job that pays $25/hr, minimum wage is a scary thing, and then it’s worrying about being able to get the hours you need. As a result, I’ve been applying for web jobs at Purdue and similar jobs on Monster. Today I got some calls/emails back, so I feel better talking about this.

But I really haven’t been the guy I was in early August. I haven’t been happy financially, and I noticed that I was looking thinner (if that’s possible), I wasn’t eating well (still three meals, but they were mostly garbage), I wasn’t cooking much at all as opposed to cooking spaghetti three times a week, and I haven’t been able to go see the people I’ve wanted to see.

40 hours a week on top of running a club which requires 20 hours of teaching time plus paperwork time is going to kill me. So I’ll get my debt paid down and try to grow the fencing. That’s the plan anyway.


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