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July 19, 2006 / TildeWill

Stressed

The last… while has been stressful. Pretty much since I got back from Fencing Summer Nationals. There’s a lot of reasons:

  • Cousin died, and it really affects my brother
  • Brother’s fiancee called off their wedding
  • Attendance is low at RCF (and consequently so is the revenue)
  • Relationship issues with my girlfriend
  • Poor sleep
  • House falling apart

On the upside, since the wedding is no more, I’ll be free labor day weekend to run a demo for RCF at the Morton Community Center’s Global Fest. So that and it being the Fall when attendance should return to higher numbers will take care of that problem, just money is tight this month and next.

I’ve been sleeping like crap a lot of nights, and other nights my good sleep gets cut short by having to wake up early for things like pipes leaking or being poked into action.

The relationship stuff would be easy enough for me to pin all on Kris. I could say that she doesn’t seem to trust that the relationship will last and that she doesn’t seem to trust me. But I also recognize that a lot of that early relationship magic has been forgotten by me. I had forgotten to open her car door for her. I have come to expect a gourmet meal, rather than being surprised when she does cook for me, and I am disappointed when she doesn’t. Instead of being laid back about how she spends her time, I often feel like I want to shake her and tell her to live the same as I do, but I know that isn’t right.

I’m worried about the Fall, when school starts for her and fencing picks up for me. I’m going to want to go to a tournament every weekend, and the ones I have off, I’ll want to keep to myself. I know she’s going to be busy with and dedicated to her school work. The relationship can work, but it means scaling it back to seeing each other once a month or less, and knowing that, and being happy with it. It’s that “happy” part that’ll get tricky. How does a couple go from seeing each other every other day to “I think I can get down there between Christmas and New Year’s” without tearing ourselves apart? It also seems like we’re at that stage of the relationship where we fight about a lot of things. It’s the point where we’re finally comfortable enough to say what is on our mind, and we’re actually living close enough that we can fight and not ruin an entire month, and we’ve been together long enough that we’re encountering things we disagree on. I want things to work, but it’s going to take both of us, and I don’t know if she’s up for what’s in store or not.

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