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May 19, 2006 / TildeWill

Kris says I’m fearless

And while I disagree, she may be more right than most. I think part of it is that there are very few fears I am unwilling to face. That is just built into who I am. From simple things like food I dislike, I make sure to retry it a few years later to make sure I still hate it (or not, as is the case sometimes), to more complex things like heights.

I’ve pondered this off and on since the day Kris pointed it out to me and I can really only come up with one fear that has a great hold on my life and my actions: I am afraid that I will disappoint the people that I care about and who care about me.

In college, I remember having a conversation with my dad about trying to balance my school work with my obligations as the club president. It didn’t matter to me if my grades sucked, but it did matter if I let a club of 50 people be less than I could make it be. I find that people who I imagine are holding me to a higher standard are the people I have a hard time communicating with and forming relationships with.

This fear probably also governs my outlook on being a dad myself. I don’t know that I can handle the idea of my child being disappointed in me. It would ruin me. 

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One Comment

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  1. emanon / May 20 2006 1:06 am

    I’m also afraid of snakes, just like Indiana Jones… and Pee Wee Herman ><

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