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December 20, 2005 / TildeWill

Thoughts on others’ relationships

I’ve got two friends who recently have both entered into the beginnings of relationships (two separate relationships). I’m going to oversimplify the situations to make my point, not to comment on their situations because I honestly am not that familiar with their situations, only the bits they tell me.

On one hand is my male friend. He’s an active guy with a busy schedule. His hope is that his new female interest will take it upon herself to become active in all of the things he does so that he need not change his schedule very much and still get the added benefit of a girlfriend. On the other hand is my female friend who is dating a guy and she recognizes that her new male interest has a busy schedule so she has already come to the conclusion that it will be hard for him to see her and that it weakens the chance of a successful relationship.

In the last year I’ve learned a lot about myself and about the way a good, healthy relationship ought to work. The two biggest keys to a relationship that I’ve found are understanding and compromise. For me, the understanding part comes in the form of realizing that I will probably never find a woman I want to date who is as nuts about fencing as I am in the same ways that I’m nuts about fencing. It’s ok because while I’m fencing, I’m being a fencer or a ref, or a coach, but not a boyfriend. I also hope that I will understand that she will do things that won’t interest me, and that’s ok too.

The compromise part comes in where maybe having a girlfriend means I can’t fence as much, or I have to stay home to be with my woman instead of going to a competition. Would I feel great about that decision? Probably not, but overall I would feel good because I’m balancing two things I hold to be very important in my life. I will also be the first to admit that I struggle in the area of balancing, and it takes more communication than it might with others to convey what is important to me and what is important to her. But once I understand that relationship it’s easy to make the choices.

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