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December 19, 2005 / TildeWill

I blog to fill a void

I blog to fill a void in my own life. I know previously I’ve said I blog to make others feel normal or to reflect on myself. Tonight while was walking around in Target looking for a Christmas present for my dad I realized I blog most when I am alone. When there’s no one so close to me that I don’t have to explain who this person is or why I was on that trip. I blog most desperately when I need someone to understand me, to understand how I feel and why I feel it.

I can’t say I’ve ever been very good at developing relationships, at least not a multitude of relationships. Dickerson recently pointed out that I have a tendency to put all of my love, my effort into one person, one thing at a time. The result is that I get that one person, that one thing that suits me perfectly and quenches my need to have some stranger understand me. It also means I am that much more vulnerable when that one thing leaves my life.

I blog because I am flawed and because I need someone to listen and understand.

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2 Comments

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  1. emanon / Dec 20 2005 7:46 pm

    Jacqui said she felt this entry was very introspective, but was unable to log in to comment further.

  2. Anne / Dec 21 2005 2:15 pm

    Though I don’t blog, I do write, and have piles of Microsoft Word files around my computer. It does fill a void, as if by writing it, someone understands me, and I have had a chance to explain myself. Because I’m pretty much in the same seat of having no one to tell it to, and discovering I’m quite alone. Sometimes it’s enough to take the things flying around in my head and get them on “paper,” to resolve them a little for me, and finally let go of things a bit.

    But I don’t think it’s a flaw. I’m thinking that perhaps it’s a plus- to want to share our lives with someone, and to be understood. It seems to me that not being understood should bother just about anyone, and never making an effort to BE understood would make me sad.

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