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June 21, 2005 / TildeWill

Playground of Life

In a recent private entry I hit upon a less attractive characteristic of myself. I was reflecting on my interaction with people and how I will often degrade my topics of choice to revolve around gutter-minded humor. When I compared this to fencing, I realized that it was a way to get my conversational opponent to behave in a predictable way (in this case with disgust and hopefully laughter). But I’m not that way all the time, so it’s not that I need to control people, it is something else…

Next analogy, when you’re little and you punch the girl you like or visa versa. A punch isn’t a normal interaction of two people who love each other, but rather a way to draw a reaction, a predictable behavior. This case illustrates that sometimes one can be so desperate for interaction from an individual that one would resort to negative behavior, expect a negative response, just to get any response.

So the conclusion is that my brand of jokes are really just a verbal form of punching someone in the arm who’s company I like. I can point to a number of causes,

  1. shyness of the punchee,
  2. lack of communication skills on my part,
  3. my own unfamiliarity with the punchee,
  4. or unwillingness to communicate on the punchee’s part.

I think I’m pretty good at drawing out the shy, getting them involved and what not, that’s half of how April and I hit it off. I can work on the second item, but I like to think my communication skills are at least average. The third one gets complicated since I often want to break out my low-brow humor with someone new but I don’t want to scare that person off either. I suppose working on? #2? would aid in #3.

The case of #4 is the one that poses the greatest challenge for me. I don’t know how you talk to someone who doesn’t want to talk to you or sees no reason to want to talk to you. Looking back, some of my most trying friendship and relationship conflicts arose when one or both sides did not want to talk to the other. If anyone has some insights here I’d like to add them to my rťpertoire.

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4 Comments

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  1. Dickersonian / Jun 21 2005 5:04 pm

    “I donít know how you talk to someone who doesnít want to talk to you or sees no reason to want to talk to you.” – Realize that you don’t always have to talk to someone who doesn’t want to talk to you.

  2. Will / Jun 21 2005 9:37 pm

    Clearly this doesn’t apply to me currently, but what if that person is someone you live with? Or maybe it is someone you see and have to interact with every day. Sometimes you need to be able to talk to someone.

  3. Jacqui / Jun 22 2005 12:00 pm

    If it’s someone you live with and they don’t want to talk to you or see a reason to talk to you, then there’s obviously a problem and you’re not going to continue to live with that person forever. Even if it’s not an immediate solution, the end result is going to be “breaking up” so to speak anyway.

  4. Jenn / Jun 23 2005 2:23 pm

    I honestly donít know Will. Iím going through a bit of that myself atm. Someone I considered a friend turned out only to use me and toss me asideÖ I think. Iím not sure because he just stopped talking to me. I feel that way, but I canít know if he wonít say anything. The weirdest thing is there was no fight or anything between us. Itís hard to explain with out telling the whole story, but #4 is sometimes a must for me as well. Iíd be happier if he told me to ďgo jump of a bridge, I donít like you anymoreĒ but this behind the back BS and silence thatís happening is stupid high school stuff and itís driving me bonkers!

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