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March 20, 2005 / TildeWill

Crying

I was watching Elf the other day staring Will Ferrel and started crying
when Jovie breaks out of her shell and sings in front of people to help
save Santa. Not just leaky eyes, but trembling lip, the whole nine
yards. It was a kids’ comedy, so not really emotional, I think it was
like the time I cried after fencing.
I’ve never cried at a movie, come close, but nothing this scale. I
guess it was just time to cry and a little emotion from a movie was all
it took to push me over the edge.

I started thinking about it, why I had to
cry right then, and it probably had something to do with not crying for
the six months prior. I didn’t really have anything to cry about during that time, but
what really got to me was that I didn’t really have anyone to cry with.
Yes, there was Meg. Yes, she probably would have gladly dried my tears.
But no, I didn’t feel comfortable crying around her. I’ve really only
cried in front of my parents (and it’s been a while since that last
happened) and one girl friend. And no, this isn’t going to turn into a rant
about anyone other than me.

I think that my ability to cry in
front of someone is a good indicator of my comfort level and trust of
another individual. Not that I don’t trust my friends because I don’t
cry with them, but I’ve never really had a crying friend and so it
feels inappropriate to cry with friends. I guess what I’m trying to say
is that if I’m looking for a magic bullet, something that will tell me
if a woman is the one for me, then I should look to my teary eyes and
see if I shared them or if I hid them. I also think that kind of
comfort level for me takes a sizable amount of time to build up,
probably more than six months. That’s just who I am.

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