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February 19, 2005 / TildeWill

It Is Different On The Other Side

All my recent experience helping people through breakups and such has really helped me solidify what it is like to be broken up with. You see, I’ve always been the dumper, never the dumpee, not really anyway.

I’ve never really left a relationship where I went from loving a person to hating her. If I had it would have meant I stayed in the relationship way too long. So when I break up with someone I still enjoy her company, but I just don’t see myself marrying her. To me that says “Let’s be friends” and that feeling is reinforced by her want to stay together and still have just as much contact with me as she did before. The problem of course is that it won’t be the same type of contact.

She feels ok at first, things are alright, she still gets to see me, but soon it starts to hurt too much to see me, to be with me and not to be able to do and say the things we used to say and do. What could be a simple frustration is fueled by the love that remains in her heart and turns to anger. It is this point where she no longer wants anything to do with me.

The time apart is good for her, it gives her a chance to calm down, and see that it is over. It sucks for me because I loose a good friend, someone who knows me well. I become the vulnerable one while she rebuilds her defenses. I never really heal from it either, because they always have the power to hurt me, and I guess the same is true the other way around.

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