Dear Fashion Police,

I do not like wearing a belt. It’s a lot of work to put o. It gets in the way throughout the day. I need to have enough belts to match my shoes (and how exactly does one match sneakers?).

My most compelling argument against belts however, is that they serve to hold up one’s pants. This implies that I did not buy pants that fit in the first place. I’d like to think I can buy pants that fit well enough on their own.

Sincerely,
Will-no-belt-Read

I’m Pretty Sure She Was a Prostitute

He had on a sports coat, jeans, and sneakers. He hunched at the table in Starbucks once he sat down next to her. She smiled at me the moment I walked in. Not the “I’m happy smile” but rather the “I’m trouble, do you want some of this trouble?” smile. She had on a trench coat that stopped at her thighs and the cut of her dress made it look like all that stood between him and her flesh was the coat and a wink.

He was a geek. He seemed to have no backbone. And yet, she slid her chair around to sit closer to him, and leaned in. He straightened her bag, as if it would fall over and everything would fall out. And then they left together. If she wasn’t getting paid to be seen with him, then I have no idea what was going on there.

What I Do, and Who I Am

I go rock climbing, but I am not a rock climber.
I ski, but I am not a skier.
I golf, but I am not a golfer.
I kite surf, but I am not a kite surfer.
I fenced, and I was a fencer.

There are things that I do, but for the most part, they do not define me. I wouldn’t say that I’m a guy who hangs on rocks. You wouldn’t know my name on the local level, let alone the national level or find it in a magazine about rock climbing.

Fencing was different. I was a fencer. If I was introducing myself I would say “Hello, I’m Will, I’m a fencer” or “…I coach fencing”.  If you knew of fencing in Lafayette, you’d eventually hear my name. If you were a fencing organizer in Indiana, you knew where to find me. And I had rubbed elbows with enough people nationally that I could go to most any section and have someone vouch for me. I went home and thought about fencing. I slept and I dreamed about fencing. I was a fencer.

Now, now that I have been fencing-free for a year, I am less sure of what I am. I know that I want to be a husband, a father, but that a least half of that goal is not in my hands. I also find it noteworthy that I can rock climb, but I cannot husband. You can only be a husband, there is no action of “husbanding”. Which to me suggests you can’t fake it, or do it half way.

Who am I? I once was  so certain. I think that I was “different” when I fenced – more confident, more self-sure in a way that wasn’t just shamelessness, but was full on back bone. It was the “two-face”  of being a ref, and just being a guy. It was being an expert, a trusted source, and a reliable resource. I provided value to a significant community. Having that has to be like an addictive drug. The more you get, the more you need it until you have to go cold turkey. So I worry now that I’m putting my toes back in the fencing water: Will I become a fencer again?

Dear Internets,

Some people call you the “intertubes” because you are not in fact a truck that you can just throw things on, but rather you are a series of tubes. Following in that logic, I’m renaming the recreational parts of you to “The Lazy River”.

“What are you up to Will?”
“Oh, nothing. Just floating down the lazy river – reading Twitter, seeing what’s new on Facebook, and looking up a book on Amazon, the usual.”

Sincerely,
A Guy With His Intertube Ready

Realization

I remember sometime in high school thinking about how I often found myself spanning multiple social circles, and uniting those circles. When theater types are hanging with the pot heads and the band geeks you feel like something… unique is happening.

This Tuesday I was asked to assist in leading a group in SF. The organizer said I “had the right kind of personality”. And it got me thinking about groups I’ve led. Wine Bunch, Kite Flying, twelve kinds of fencing, props crew, the list goes on. When I was on ASP staff, a volunteer pointed out that I played the role of “moderator” well – that I wasn’t really concerned with the outcome of a meeting, so long as the group was productive. When I think about Agile software development, I like the parts that make people more productive, that make people work together, communicate more to reach a common goal.

I’ve known that I can be a developer, but I’ve also known that I could be better at something else. I’ve always felt like I was intended to be instrumental in something much bigger than who I am. I think this is that thing.

Dear Heart,

If I didn’t wear you on my sleeve, I don’t know where I’d put you. Inside my chest behind all those ribs just seems like I’m sheltering you from living life.

Sincerely,
Will

Dear San Francisco,

I’ve been really gassy the last two days. I’m sorry if I stunk up anyone’s air space.

Sincerely,

Will-poo-gas-Read

Dear Victoria’s Secret,

The model for your new seven way adjustable bra is way hotter than the one in the store windows last month. Since I ride the cable car by your store every day, I appreciate the upgrade.

Sincerely,
Will
P.S. Giving her my phone number would be a good idea.

Ruined

I reffed some foil (fencing) today. It was weird, because people wanted to know my history, and I wanted to tell them, but I didn’t want them to know everything because I don’t want to do everything again. Ref, coach, fence, armor, run a club.

And yet the day isn’t out and I’ve been asked ot ref again and I may be going to a fencing club this Friday night. I knew this would happen.

Dear Hollywood,

Please, please, please stop putting Kathy Bates in movies. I don’t think anyone hates life more than Kathy Bates.

Sincerely,

Will

P.S. Also, if you could take care of Sam Neil for me I’d be a pig in shit.