Better Things to Celebrate Than the Passing of Days
Let me prefix this post by saying that I felt really good because of the people who wished me a happy birthday a few days ago.
Today I got a belated birthday card from a friend of mine. He apologized for being late in sending it. And it got my brain going as things often do. To me, there’s a lot more things to celebrate than the passage of time. It’s going to happen if you celebrate it or not. I’m going to be a year older 365 days from July 24th if I want to be or not (save being dead, which I do not want at all).
To me, there are a lot of other things to celebrate aside from dates that sneak up on you. Things like a new friendship, job well done at work, or quitting a habit are all occurrences that seem to slide by unrecognized, yet these are the things we have to work at the most to achieve. I can sit on my butt and time passes by. “Quick! Get my party hat! It’s almost tomorrow!”
The Dog-Like-Giraffe
Back when I was in middle school, maybe high school, and a very frequent movie goer, my friend Pat pointed out that the Film Ratings poster contained a number of interesting characters. Among them, the bunny that snuck in to the NC-17 show, the teen with his hands in his pockets, and… the dog-like giraffe.
It’s in the G section. It has the distinctive long neck of a giraffe, but lacks the spots, pointed ears, or horn/nubs/whatever those things are that giraffes have on top of their heads. The bigger question in my opinion though is “Why does this odd creature only appear in the G section, but the bunny gets to see it all?”
A Fifth of…
Not everyone showed up, particularly some of the bigger guns. So there were 23, not 27 as expected. I did well in my pool (first round), coming out with a second place seeding (higher than Streb Jr.)!!! So in the second round, I got a buy for my first match, then fenced Josh in my second one. He gave me a strong bout, but I wasn’t about to lose to him again after divisional qualifiers.
I moved on to the top eight. A win here would put me in the top four and I would have renewed my “C” rating. I went through three weapons, and my ref wasn’t seeing the actions I wanted him to, but what it came down to was that I was missing. My opponent was collapsing the distance and I just couldn’t hit him. I lost, 8-15 was the score I think. Giving me a fifth place finish.
I also refereed. As much as I detested reffing for free, it was good to ref a tournament again, instead of coaching. I’ve gotten sloppy, I was still way better than 90% of the people reffing, but I made some mistakes. So I’ll start the season off with a “D” instead of a “C”, but the Purdue Open is early this year, so maybe I’ll pick it up there.
Better Than Ninth
This weekend I’m planning to go to Cincinnati to compete in the Boterell open. My goal was to go and renew my C. If the tournament turns out the way the pre-registration says it will, then I’d have to be 3rd place or better to achieve my goal. If I finish according to my current rating in relation to the other fencers (which would be consistent with last season’s results), I’ll come in 9th.
I have to do better than ninth.
Doing better than ninth is a reasonable goal, because my fencing has improved since last season. But finishing third or better means winning two more DE’s than I statistically should. That… that may be difficult.
25 and 364/365ths
By the time I finish writing this post, it’ll be my 26th birthday. A year ago I would not have guessed I’d be here. Working by day to pay the bills, working at night teaching Lafayette to fence. Nor would I have guessed that I’d be setting goals for myself to become a national level competitor.
I would not have guessed that I would have parted ways with my last girlfriend. I would not have guessed that I’d have half the [mis]adventures I’ve had this year in the dating realm. I would not have guessed that I’d be living even further East of town than I already was, but I like it here.
I would not have guessed that my family would have seen some of the trying times that it has. I would not have guessed that my parents would grow so much spiritually. I would not have guessed that Purdue fencers would get along so well with IU fencers, but they do.
I would not have guessed that of my past few birthdays, 26 would feel the most significant. I don’t understand why, but it feels like something is on the horizon. I would not have guessed that Matt and I would form a friendship that warranted him taking me out to lunch to celebrate. It’s good to have a friend in town my own age for a change.
I would not have guessed that an Olympic fencer who had avoided the Lafayette clubs for three years would suddenly decide he wanted to coach. I would not have guessed the gap in my skill and his skill could be so unimaginably great. I could not have guessed that I’d take six fencers to the National Championship, and that all six would finish in the top 80% of their events.
In summary, being 25 was unexpected.
9th Wheel
This past weekend I took up Neal and Anne on their offer to join them in Angola at their family’s lake house. It was kind of a mini-fencing reunion for me since I got to see him, Whitey, and Jess. Neal’s college friend, Tony (who has provided the photo), was also there. Everyone brought a wife/significant other except me, but despite that I still had a lot of fun.
I managed to avoid getting burned while still sleeping on the deck of a pontoon, water skiing, tubing, and playing excessive bocce ball. Things to note:
- You can stub your toe so bad that it bleeds for days.
- Corn does not like to remain in a bag, nor a series of bags. The floor is much more comfortable.
- Puppies do not always meet water with a sense of adventure.
- Not everyone waves back.
- There really is a Kwik-E-Mart.
- Monkey bread has the ability to escape. Do not give it the chance.
- Vodka + sugar + acidic fruit tastes just like what you’d think: Vodka + sugar + acidic fruit… go figure.
Not Convinced
A log-time friend of mine commented “There’s no magical formula, relationships just are.” This post is about why I disagree.
People meet people through common experiences. It’s why a hermit can be a hermit, he doesn’t go out and experience anything. But you meet people at work, at parties, at the grocery store, on the street, in a cab, at a restaurant (don’t send flowers to the waitresses though). So part of the formula is just putting myself in places where I’m more likely to meet the kind of woman I’m interested in, like going to a coffee shop more often than I go to a bar. Right now, this is the big challenge, just meeting people.
Then there’s the presentation piece. Lets say I’m at a place, and I’m looking to the left, when the woman of my dreams walks by on my right. I want to make sure that I give her plenty of reasons to not only look my way, but to stop and say hello, rather than thinking “He’s a slob/snob/kabob, I’m not going to waste my time.” Or if I do see her first and say hello, then I don’t want her to think those things instead of saying “yes” to a date. I feel I’m fairly proficient at this part.
The third part is the upkeep piece. This is historically where I’ve failed in the past, because if I didn’t, then I’d still be in a relationship. Continuing to grow WITH someone else, learning how to better communicate with her, finding new and exciting things to do with her, sharing my joys, trusting, understanding, compromising. If you can master this area, then I believe there’s no one you can’t have a long-lasting relationship with. It’s just a formula, a skill you plug people in to.
The Queen Undoes the King
Looking back at the last eight years of my life, I think it might not be too far of a stretch to say that the introduction of a queen sized bed in to my life has been an integral part of my undoing. Oh sure, you can stretch out, and get all kinds of good sleep in it. And it’s considered the ideal bed size for couples by some experts. But what about when you are alone?
It feels empty. Like putting a penny in a five gallon glass jar, looking in, and thinking, “I’ll never fill this!” You find myself sleeping only on one half so that if someone were to someday come along, then I will not steal the covers, or flop an arm in her face making her wake up with a bloody nose. There are enough reminders that I’m alone throughout the day, and now I realize that I’m reminded in my sleep of just what it means to be single.
The Answer Is Yes
My problem in life, the places where I stumble most, can be summed up by my answer to this question I had on a dating site: “Even when you’re in a serious relationship, is a part of you still open to someone better coming along?”
6 billion people on earth, half of them women (roughly). For me to say “I’ve found the person in the whole world that I relate MOST to, the MOST beautiful, and the MOST intelligent” is absurd. Now it becomes a more reasonable statement when you narrow the scope to my geographic region. But then you have to remember that people move in and out of Lafayette all the time. In my lifetime, I expect I’ll come in to contact with a few million people, and only talk to 1/100th of them at most. Would the person I’m dating at any given time be the best match of the people I’ve met? Certainly. Of course, I meet new people all the time.
So what keeps people together, why aren’t we all just jumping from ship to ship? I think it’s the history that we develop over time. The memories and knowledge you share of each other, that’s what some new stranger cannot offer. That’s why marriages last I think. Similarly, I think people cheat when those memories no longer become valuable (because they’re mostly negative) or the knowledge of each other is not being applied. The most magical part of a new relationship is being surprised with a gift or an outing that you didn’t expect, but is just what you wanted, and it was given to you because you didn’t even realize you had mentioned it to your significant other and she picked up on it and applied it to your relationship.
